Photography Pursuits

In January, I signed up for an online shooting and editing course by photographers Amy & Jordan Demos. They specialize in natural light photography, specifically wedding photography. Most of the course felt like a review to me, but their systematic approach to taking pictures makes a lot of sense to me. As part of the course, I was invited to a private Facebook page with the other students in the class. This has been incredibly helpful as I've tried to take my photography to the next level. Then, in May, Amy and Jordan released a posing course. I really wanted to get it, but I already felt bad about the money I spent on the first course. 

Then, in church one Sunday, a lady in our ward talked about self-reliance and the importance of getting an education. I had the thought, "If this were a college course, I wouldn't bat an eye about signing up for it." Her talk changed so much. Instead of looking at it as an expense, I looked at it as an investment for my future, a way of being self-reliant (because I'm a little worried about what I'll do if anything happens to Brian, and I really don't like that helpless feeling.) So, I signed up for the posing course as well, and I have LOVED it. I've especially loved getting to know other photographers in the area. On June 3, I met up with two of them in Sandy so we could all practice things we've learned. My new friend, Jocelyn, took this picture. 

Back in May, I decided to set up a booth at the Saratoga Springs Splash Days. It was nerve wracking to think about putting myself out there for this business venture. I registered my business with the state of Utah, worked hard to get my website in a decent place, and tried to mentally walk my way through the day. I planned to do a photo booth, and I was originally going to charge people for taking their pictures, but then Lea suggested that I give them away for free. She was brilliant! I wanted it to be a way to get people to check out my portfolio on my website and hopefully get some referrals from the thing. So far, it appears unsuccessful in that regard, but it helped me stretch.  

 Here's my booth at Splash Days

 While I was running my booth, Brian and the kids watched the parade and then wandered around all the booths.

Before they ran off for all that, though, I had them be test subjects for my booth. 

The wind made the last half of the day impossible, but I was still able to pass out business cards to people passing by.

In May, I wanted to practice wedding stuff, but I had no weddings, so I had the idea to pull out my wedding dress and practice taking some wedding detail shots. Rachel was so excited to see my wedding dress, and begged to be in a few shots, so I allowed it, and they were my favorites. I love these so much because this dress was also my mom's wedding dress, and my grandma made it for her and then kindly remodeled it for me. So, when I look at this dress, I see 4 generations.

 I love this one. It ended up being slightly out of focus, but I was so proud that I was able to talk her into this pose. Notice her little foot pop?

 Brian was wearing his ring, and they were both at work, so I just took a picture with my ring and the combs I wore in my hair on my wedding day. Rachel was also obsessed with these combs. She just loved seeing the things from I wore when I married her dad.

I've really struggled to feel at home in this photography pursuit. Growing up, I knew that I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom. My mom wanted to be a stay-at-home mom more than anything, and I watched her struggle to make things work so she could have this goal. Some years, she was able to be home with us, but there were so many others that she just couldn't make it work. Through it all, she made it clear that we were the most important people in her life.

I have been blessed to be able to stay at home with my kids, so when I find myself spending more time on photography and less time with my kids, I start to worry about whether or not this is what I should be doing. I guess in my mind, I think that a stay-at-home mom should play with her kids, do crafts, bake cookies, clean her house, and focus on building this next generation.  I want to be that amazing mom who plays with her kids, but I get so bored! And I feel bad because I thought I was going to rock this whole mom thing, and I don't feel like I am. I'm a terrible gardener, I'm not always ultra conscious about my kids' nutrition. I don't necessarily want to have all the kids from the neighborhood hanging out at my house because I don't want the extra mess. I'm not very good at following a schedule, and I waste a lot of time. I often lament that I have all the wrong talents for life! My talents seem to be all in artsy categories that seem to have no eternal value and are impractical in nature.

On the other hand, I've also seen stay-at-home moms who have lost themselves so much in raising their children that they are really unhappy. I've seen moms whose kids are all grown that are at a complete loss with what to do with their lives. Some have felted trapped. I don't want this either. I don't want to completely lose the essence of who I am because at some point, my kids are going to grow up and pursue their own dreams.

One night, as I was sharing these thoughts with Brian for the thousandth time, this thought popped into my head: If the Lord didn't want me to pursue photography, He wouldn't have blessed me with this talent. The thought stopped me in my tracks. I have always believed that we will one day have to make an accounting to the Lord for what we did with the talents we've been given, but somewhere along the lines, I decided that He wasn't talking about our musical or artistic talents, somehow putting less value on those because they seem so unessential and frivolous to my practical mind. If you think about it though, isn't it easier to worship the Lord in a clean, beautiful place instead of in a concrete parking garage? It was only after making the earth a beautiful place that he sent Adam and Eve to live in it. Heavenly Father and Jesus are the most creative beings I know of, and if I want to be like them, doesn't that mean I should pursue my creative talents to the best of my abilities?

I guess in all things, it's trying to find the balance between the extremes. My mom always made sure to take time doing something she enjoyed. She always had a book she was reading, and she always found time to go play volleyball, racquetball, or basketball with her friends. My task now is to pursue my photography deliberately, including my children in it as much as I can. I think I owe it to my daughter to be an example of a woman being a homemaker who also pursues other dreams.

I continue working on my craft and trying to get a business started. I want everything to happen right now, and sometimes it is hard to be patient and wait for things to build to where I want them. I've been doing lots of free shoots, looking at it as my internship. I have a lot more I can say on this whole subject of photography, but suffice it to say that in addition to chasing kids, trying to keep my house in decent order, and coming up with projects, I'm also pursuing a business in photography.