A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to Happily Ever After

When I was in third grade, my favorite baby-sitter married one of my favorite uncles. She was 18, almost 19, and that's when I decided that I wanted to get married at the ripe old age of 18, have kids, and live happily ever after. There were a few variations to this theme, mostly that the age changed a few times.  Long story short, I felt impressed to go on a mission, came home, discovered that that kid from freshman year was the love of my life, finished college, married him, had a baby right off, bought a house, and started into the happily ever after part of the plan.

 

Now, I'm not saying that I'm not living happily ever after, because I think, for the most part, I am. But a funny thing happened along the way. So far, it's ran into a couple of hitches, one in September and one just a few weeks ago. My baby is 2 years old and counting, and there is no little sibling yet. We went to the dry cleaners last week (the same day that I went into the doctor for my two-week follow-up miscarriage appointment), and the lady there kept talking to Michael and saying how cute he is. I was so happy that he was behaving so well, and smiled at her praise of him, despite feeling quite melancholy, when she said, "Oh, I bet you want a little brother or sister to play with, don't you? You want a little brother? Yeah, you want a little brother." Honestly, I was kind of embarrassed for her more than I was hurt, but her question emphasizes that my life isn't going according to plan.

I've been obsessing over having another baby since July, waiting for those tell-tale signs of pregnancy. Two happy days. Two times of celebrating and planning and hoping followed by two sessions of devastation. So, after six months, I'm tired of it. I'm tired of buying clothes that I can wear now and can wear into the first stages of pregnancy. I'm tired of making plans according to which trimester I might be in if I got pregnant this month. I'm sick of taking Tylenol instead of Ibuprofen just in case. So, to copy a friend, I'm setting some new goals. (She calls hers her baby bucket list--things she wants to do before she has a baby). I feel like I need to focus on things that will make me happy, not in a selfish way, but in a healthy, no-one's-happy-if-mom-ain't-happy kind of way. In some ways, it's just a coping strategy, but whatever. I hope to continue these even after I have another baby, if that is in the cards down the line.

So here's what I'm focusing on:

1. Gardening. Those who know me know that I have a black thumb. I'm trying to fix that. I'm learning about gardening, what to plant, when to plant it, how to plant it. I've designed planter boxes to go on our patio so we can plant some good stuff this summer. I may be taking a class at Thanksgiving Point next month. 
2. Last week, I applied to go to grad school here: 

It's enough to make a Cougar shiver in her boots, but they're the only ones around with the program I'm interested in. So, now we'll see if I get in. I'd been planning on applying, but wasn't sure how I would do it with a newborn. I'm not worrying about that anymore. I figure I can get in at least two full semesters, starting in May. I don't have all the details sorted, and I may not even get in, but here's the goal. If I don't get in, I'll be taking some fun classes like photography or a dance class instead.

    3. Two words: 

Okay, so this isn't a goal, but this is where we're going for the Saville Family Vacation next August. We weren't sure if we were going to make it since that was when this last baby was due. Now, we can go. Not too bad of a consolation prize.

  4. On a related note:

August 10 in Salt Lake City

  5. Even though we haven't saved as much as we wanted to, it is time.

Here's our new car. We should be able to go pick her up tonight or tomorrow, whenever they finish fixing the clutch. Yup, she's a manual, so my new goal is to re-learn how to drive stick. (This isn't an actual picture of our car, but it looks just like it).

Other things in the works: Re-finish the twin bed down stairs and put it in Michael's room, work on new quilt for Michael's new bed, refinish some dressers, lose weight/get in shape, mixbook, and spend more time reading and playing with Michael.