Our Sad House

I don't like letting on that things aren't going well--at least not until after they're good again. This blog is no exception. Back when we were living in our tiny, slightly ugly, cinder-apartment, I had friends with beautiful houses comment, "Man, you make me wish I lived in a cinder-block apartment." That made me laugh, but it kind of sums things up. I don't like talking about problems with too many people until I'm able to laugh at them.

Well, today, I'm not going to put a positive spin on things. It's not that I'm not optimistic that things will be better, or that I really think that things are really bleak right now. I just feel like this is one of those times when life hands you lemons, and it is inappropriate to make lemonade with them.

A week ago today, we went in for our first ultrasound with our baby, and although I was eight weeks along, the baby measured at 6.2 weeks, and they couldn't make out a heartbeat. We knew going in that that might very well be the case, but the final confirmation was still pretty rough. Then, an hour after coming home, Brian received news that his really good friend from high school had suddenly and unexpectedly passed away. Ready for an understatement? It was a terrible day.

Long story short, Brian flew out to Kansas for the funeral. He left Saturday afternoon and returned late, late Monday night. So, we suffered together, but a thousand or so miles apart.

The rose Brian got me before heading to Kansas

Our metaphorical skies have been really bleak. I can't recall a time I have felt more alone or abandoned. But, I want to say a few thank yous to the people who have let in a little sunshine in our lives.

First, I want to thank our next door neighbors, Zak and Sam. As soon as they found out, they offered to bring us dinner. Though they said it wasn't much, it was so nice to have one less thing to worry about. On Monday, Sam called me up to see if Michael could come over and play with her daughter for a couple of hours. She fed him dinner and kept him until it was time for him to go to bed.

I want to say thanks to Lea, who upon hearing our bad news, immediately offered to just come and take Michael the next morning. I wasn't ready for solitude yet, so she just came and hung out in our sad house. She shed some tears when Brian broke down after booking his flight. She did my dishes and swept my floor. She also invited me over to be with her on Sunday for dinner. She fed me and dished Michael's plate too. It was a small thing, but it meant a lot to me. I'm so glad that she's my SIL!

Next, I want to say Thank you to Chelsea. She drove down from Ogden on Saturday night to be with me in case I needed to go to the ER. She provided a lot of emotional support and peace of mind by being with me. She hung out with Michael the next morning so that I could get a much needed nap. Thank you, Thomas, for letting her come.

Also, I would like to thank our good friends, the Brintons. I texted Natalie on Sunday to let her know what had happened, and she told me that she knew I wouldn't ask for help, so she decided, along with her husband, that they were bringing me dinner. They basically said, "Our thoughts and prayers are with you, but we want our food to be with you too." They brought soup on Monday, the last night that Brian was gone. They left a reserve in the car in case I was up for company. I was. They ate soup with me, brought me a flower, and then stayed to watch some funny shows. They left me with a prayer before driving back home to  their cinder-block apartment in Provo.

Gerber Daisy from the Brintons

On Monday, I was feeling really abandoned and alone. In the midst of my sadness and anger, I started getting lots of phone calls. My neighbor across the street, Kim, called and said, "What can I do for you?" I hate asking for help, but I was at the end of my rope, and tearfully said, "Oh, my laundry is stacked, my house is a mess..." She came right over, bringing her 12-year-old daughter with her. I sat on the couch, weak and ill, and watched as she did my dishes, cleaned my kitchen, picked up Michael's toys, sorted and started my massive laundry, and helped me fold clothes. She offered dinner, but I told her dinner was already on the way. When I thanked her, all she said was, "It was no big deal." But it was a HUGE deal to me.

Thank you to both sets of parents. Mom Saville texted Brian right before his flight to let him know that she had rented a car for him to use while he was in Kansas. Dad S. picked Brian up from the airport. He also listened to my very angry account of how things were going. When I apologized for sounding so mad, he just said, "You have a right to be angry. My love for you is bigger than your anger." All four parents have been so supportive in calls, prayers, and understanding. My dad has called to check in on me every single day, and my mom offered her shoulder for crying, even though it had to be over the phone.

Thank you for everyone who has been praying for us, especially from our siblings. We have felt them sustaining us each day. I'm especially grateful for my SIL Jenny calling and letting me vent a little to her.

Thanks for the wave of calls from our friends. Your care and concern means so much.  I'm grateful for the anonymous neighbor who left a plate of brownies on our doorstep. We're grateful for all the texts, emails, and comments on Facebook. Thank you to the Stallings for teaching our Sunbeam class on Sunday. I'm also grateful for Brian's boss, Sean, for being so understanding these last few days and not allowing Brian to work yesterday.

Flowers from my dear friend Chelsi

So, while we're still sad, We feel so blessed to have so many amazing people watching out for us. This has been really lousy, and I feel like I'm in for a long road of healing, but I also feel confident that I'll get there eventually. The Lord is helping us get through one day at a time. Hopefully it won't be too much longer before our sad house is a sunny house again.