February 2023 Part 5: Heather's Wedding

“Of all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these, 'It might have been.” ― John Greenleaf Whittier, Maud Muller

These are the best words that I can find to capture how I feel about my niece Heather's wedding. There is much background about this event, but it is complicated, messy, sad, but most of all, not my story to tell. Heather got married on the last Saturday in February to a stranger to our family. None of us, not even Chelsea or Thomas have spent more than 30 minutes with him since they started dating over a year ago. That sums up all we know about him. Heather has been mostly estranged from Chelsea and Thomas since turning 18 last summer. And she only invited her parents to her wedding the day before it took place. 

My invitation came in the mail without any of my lifelong expected excitement over her nuptials. I've always been a big part of her life. I sent her board books when she was a baby in Germany. I made her dresses. I attended her plays. We all did. But I heard about her wedding through the channels that her random acquaintances would hear about it.  I felt like a distant relative when the invitation arrived instead of a doting aunt who had been waiting for the chance to fawn over a beloved niece and help her plan her big day. I thought I'd be there, on the front row, to witness it, but even before that, I expected to be there helping her plan. On the frontlines of the preparations. Working in the kitchen at the reception to make sure everything went the way she deserved it to be. I had always been her supportive, adoring aunt. I never imagined that instead, I'd be sitting on the back row, next to Chelsea, watching our beloved girl walk up the aisle on the arm of a total stranger to marry a semi-less stranger. Chelsea didn't know a single bridesmaid, nor a single groomsmen. The whole thing felt like a punch to the gut. Over. And over. And over again.

I watched the photographer trying her best but making mistakes that I would have known not to make simply because I have more experience. I would have taken such marvelous pictures, and I wouldn't have charged her for them. I can't bring myself to look at the official photos from the day. 

I went to Heather's wedding by myself.  I sat next to Chelsea. My mom, grandparents, Taryn and her family, and Chelsea and Thomas's good friend Janette all sat around Chelsea, Amber, and Sarah to show them our support and love. We held Chelsea's hand when she cried. We all cried for what might have been. Thomas was too shattered to even attend, which was probably a good thing since I don't know if he could have recovered from watching someone else give his baby girl away. Thomas's best friend, Matt, came for the day to be with him at the house. 

My darling niece, how we all love you! How we all wanted to be in the front row on your big day! We wanted to support you, to help you, to celebrate with you! None of us can understand why you shut us all out, why you think that being an adult means that you have to do everything all on your own. We mourn your presence in our family, and we mourn what might have been on this, the best day of your life. 

I rode back to Chelsea's house with her. I wish there was more that we could do besides just be with her, but sometimes, that's what we have. How do you fix a day like this?

The good thing about the day was that I got to see my grandparents (and my mom and sisters). I never miss a chance to take a selfie with them. 

I have to believe that somehow, someday, everything about this day will be okay for Chelsea and Thomas. In the meantime, all of our hearts just hurt. 

February 2023 Part 4: Presidents' Day Weekend in Eden

We had a really, really cold, snowy long winter, so when I found out the kids had an extra day of school off over President's Day weekend, I wanted to fly to Florida! I thought surely Brian would be on board, but when I asked him about it, he said that he really wanted to go snowboarding with his brother Ben, who was coming into town that weekend with his boys to go skiing. Somehow, we created a monster! Brian chose snow over heat! (Okay, spending time with his brother was a big factor too, but I was surprised! Who is this guy?!) 

To try to salvage my sanity, I booked a condo up in Eden near the slopes Ben likes to go to when he's in town, and we had a little get away, which helped my cabin fever, even though it was still cold and snowy where we went. 

Brian tried breaking in his boots before the trip. 

Ella was able to join us on our getaway, so the day we left, I checked Michael out of school to help me pick up skis. I drove to Mapleton to drop Gracie off with Kirt and Julie for the weekend, got Ella from Helaman Halls, and then we rented skis from Outdoors Unlimited at BYU. Since Ella was still about 6 weeks from her 18th birthday, I had to sign for her, which made me feel important and very aunt-esque. Rachel and Gabe are in the same size boots and same size skis. The guy who was helping me get the skis ready asked if I wanted poles for Gabe and Rachel. We decided to let Rachel give them a try this time, but we decided it would be hazardous for Gabe to have poles. The guy looked at the ticket with their ages and had to laugh that a 10-year-old was getting the same size skis and boots as her 6 year old brother (it helps that he was almost 7, but still.) 

The kids didn't realize we were staying in a condo, so they were pretty excited about the space--they pictured something much smaller and I had expected something slightly larger. It was a great space though. 

We arrived Thursday night, and on Friday, the crew got ready and I dropped them off at Nordic Valley. Rachel and Ella had matching hair. 

Michael was so sweet trying to get everyone tucked in properly with neck gaiters that he'd made for the trip. After Brighton, everyone wanted to stay warmer and dryer! 

Finally, they were ready to go! 

Ella tried snowboarding as well. We tried to book a lesson for her, but they were sold out, so Brian tried to teach her what he knew. 

Here's Michael, working on his snow angel technique. 

Meanwhile, I stopped in at the only grocery store in town for some extra supplies. I got tortillas, jelly, bread, shredded cheese, and some yogurt for snacks and lunches. The place didn't have as many pans or spatulas like we were used to, so making quesadillas was a little interesting that night. 

We all enjoyed some leisure time at the condo. My goal was to sit and read and do very little else, and that's exactly what I did. Ella was the only one who did something constructive--homework! 

Brian fell on his tailbone pretty hard on Friday, so he decided to skip out on Powder Mountain on Saturday. Ben kindly took Michael along with him and the boys, and the rest of us stayed in the condo on Saturday, other than a little jaunt outside to go get lunch at Eats of Eden. We found this bear in the lobby. 

Around sunset, Tucker was tired, so Brian and I drove up to Powder Mountain to pick him up. We brought him back to the condo and he played games with Rachel and Gabe. 

Eventually, Ben, Tyler, and Michael joined us. They played more games on the floor (I didn't realize until after we got there that there wasn't a table in the place.)

We got a big group picture (minus me because I took it) before Ben and the boys left for the night. It was so fun seeing them! 

If Ben keeps making this his tradition, it's looking like it might be ours too. It was a lovely getaway. 

February 2023 Part 3: Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day is February 14, but Galentine's Day is February 13. I was so happy that I got to celebrate some of my favorite ladies at lunch on the 13th for Galentine's Day. We had delicious Mexican food completely kid free! It has been awhile since we were all able to get together and catch up. I'm so grateful for these amazing ladies!!

After school on the 13th, Gabe got invited next door to a boys only Valentine's Party. When he got home, he presented me with this vase of flowers that he arranged at the party. I was so surprised and deeply touched. 

I thought it was an incredible thing for Kezie, the hostess of this all boys party, to use her skills as a florist and provide a way for those sweet boys to give a really awesome gift to their moms. The roses were so big and fragrant! And Gabe was so proud of his arrangement. 

We had our traditional Pink Heart pancake meal for dinner, and Brian picked up balloons and candy for the kids and beautiful flowers for me. I sure love this bunch! They all have my heart! 

BYU had posted these really awesome Valentine's on Facebook, so I had to send them all to Brian and share them here. They remind me of so many good times in college.

(Everything on Campus shuts down for an hour at 11 a.m. for a campus Devotional.)

(This is love because those stairs are no joke! They're how I stayed thin in school!) 

(BYU doesn't do spring break. Ever). 

(The Cougareat is the food court in the student center at BYU. Brian treated me to lunch on January 10, 2008 when we first met up again following our missions. Little did I know then that I'd be visiting the Cougareat a lot with him and eventually our kids!)

February 2023 Part 2: Projects

Is anyone out there really surprised to see yet another post about projects? We just can't help ourselves...never stop improving has become our motto, as well as Lowes's.

Work continued on the garage as Brian patched the holes he made for the insulation. 

I started turning the plans I'd been cooking up for a year or so into fruition in the office. I recruited Rachel to help me put together some IKEA furniture for my biggest hack yet. 

Gabe, never to be outdone as a helper, soon joined us. 

Now, we have a desk in our office for our kids to use. I still have more up my sleeves for it, but this is where it is so far. 

More patching in the garage. 

Brian was feeling pretty good about his progress. The holes got filled and he had made two attic accesses in our garage. 

Then things got a little crazy. I took everything off and out of my desk, and we took the whole thing apart (it was falling apart, and I couldn't take it anymore. Plus, I needed to get a better feel for the space and what will hopefully be coming to it. 

Gabe continues to be a most excellent helper. 

Pretty soon, we had the whole thing taken apart and hauled out to the trash. 

Brian applied his mudding knowledge to the holes in the garage. 

And we though, well while it's all taken down, we ought to paint it if we're going to paint it. 

Gabe, true to character, wanted to help. I put gloves on his feet so he that if he stepped in paint trips, he wouldn't track it into the house. 

It was amazing how a little bit of paint made such a difference over there! We kept saying, "It's the garage; who cares if the walls aren't finished." And then we answered ourselves, "We care." We tried not to care. We're hoping to paint the rest of the garage at some point, maybe in stages over the next year. 

In the middle of our planned projects (and spontaneous projects like painting the garage), we got an unplanned project when the kids bathroom sink drain somehow got disconnected, causing water to leak into the cabinet and through the floor below. This led to Brian tear apart our dining room ceiling to remove all the wet spots. (Insert crying emoji). 

Good thing he's so good at drywall stuff. 

Brian started putting his workbench back together again--for reals this time. 

He also created a space to store bigger pieces of wood, like plywood sheets. 

There's more...but it happened in March.