My Palace Is Rarely Perfect, and Most of the Time, Our Eden Has Weeds

A few years ago (back when we lived in our Wymount Cinder-block Palace, as I laughingly dubbed it [note: my heart sunk the first time I walked into it]), one of my faithful blog readers said something like, "Wow, you make living in that apartment sound so amazing that I want to [leave my beautiful house] and live there too!" At the time I laughed about that, knowing full well how often things are NOT ideal. I like to be positive. I don't think the internet is a proper place to air your dirty laundry. But,sometimes, I get so caught up in looking for all the good in my life--just like everyone else--that others think that my life is somehow charmed. And maybe it is to some extent, but everyday does NOT feel like paradise. 

I recall a day during one of the most difficult times in my life, namely when my little six-month-old son wouldn't sleep and I was so exhausted that I was close to completely losing it. I sat in my room with my door shut and listened to the screams of my baby across the hall in his room with his door shut. I was as far away from him as I could be while staying within the walls of my little apartment. I called my mom sobbing. She was in Idaho. She couldn't do anything for me but talk me down from the emotional cliff at which I stood. I told her, "Mom, I'm going to kill him! I'm so worried I'll hurt him! I'm so tired!" She told me I should call my visiting teacher. I said, "No, Mom, she has never come to see me, she never even talks to me at church, and I'm not about to let her help me now." So she suggested that I call a friend, to which I said, "No Mom, I would hate for her to see me like this." 

And then she said something that I will never forget, "Dev, if you allow her to help you now, it will free her to allow you to help her in the future." 

It seems to be a lesson I need to keep re-learning. I'm the worst at asking for help, and I want to hide sometimes when people show up at my house unannounced. But lately, I'm trying to let go. I'm trying to show myself how I really am--very much less than perfect--in the hopes that it frees others to feel like they don't always need to have it together all the time too. 

So, I posted this on Facebook on September 17, and wanted to post it here as well:

This has been on my mind a lot lately. I don't like it when people don't see me put together. I would like everyone in the world to think that I'm always with it, that I'm always patient with my kids, always head-over-heels for my husband (which I am most of the time), always have my house clean and organized, always brush my teeth, always....you get the point, because you are probably the same way. So, when we DO have it together, that's what when we share. Before we have someone over, we make sure the house is spotless.

That's awesome, except sometimes it creates a problem. Because I never see my "perfect" neighbor looking less than perfect, I start thinking there is something wrong with ME. I see her amazing Pinterest boards, her perfectly clean home, her perfectly behaved child, her amazing re-decorated bedroom, and I think, "Why can't I be more like her. She always has it together, and I'm always a mess. " She'd probably laugh if she knew I was thinking that. Because most likely, she doesn't really always have it together either. She's human just like me.

So, in an act of bravery, I would like to show you my home today at 5 pm from three different angles. It's not always like this, but it is like this more often than I would like to admit. I want to name off all the excuses for why it is like this today (most of them are pretty good too), but I'm going to refrain (which is killing me). My hope is that, by doing so, I can help lighten a load out there somewhere. Many of you already know, but ‪#‎Idonotalwayshaveittogether‬ [my first hashtag ever!]

I really ought to post a picture of my house today, since I think it is way worse than here, but I'm too lazy. I'm not looking for validation or anything. I simply want to say, "Oh you don't have a clean house today? That's okay, you're in good company! And you're amazing!"

I wanted to share a few of the comments I got from this post as well, lest you think that I'm the only one with a less-than-perfect life:

I love this! We forget that we are all real people sometimes. I never go into someone else's house and think "Wow, there are toys all over the floor, and the floor hasn't been swept in days," but I always assume people would think that about my own home. 

I die of embarrassment if someone stops by & my house/me/my kids are not put together. But alas, this is a reality and I'm glad to know I'm not the only one this way!

I get the most cleaning done in the hour before anyone (planned) shows up at my house.

Everyone's reality Devri.

I have done this on Instagram a few times and it was humiliating but...truth! [from someone who I really look up to and often wish I could be more like]

I also know that we are hardest on ourselves. If I see someone else's house a mess, I just figure they are actually living in their house, instead of getting it ready for a 'Better Homes and Gardens' photo shoot. Thank you for this fun discussion. I think we all need to love each other more and judge less (and mostly this applies to loving ourselves more, and our kids more, than what other people think. Easier said than done, I know!)

Oh, for the good old days. When you are finally able to have a clean house (i.e. kids all grown up), it's way too quiet. I miss all my messes. My idea of a clean house in your stage was to put my vacuum near the front door. Then if someone stopped by, and I can say, "I was just getting ready to clean up."

The joys of real life!!! We feel the same way!! 

 I'm not brave about showing my mess either. I find myself angling cameras of pictures of my daughter away from my messy counters, and apologizing for my mess to my friends when they come over. Even though I know in my head it doesn't matter. Who cares about my counters or the dust or the dishes? I know my friends don't really care. I need to be better about letting that go.

 In conclusion, I just want to say that you're doing better than you think you are, and challenge you to cut yourself the slack you would cut your friends and neighbors. And I will try to do the same.