I'm just going to come out and say it: I really don't like being pregnant. In fact, I could almost jump to the hate word. Yes, I hate being pregnant. It's really not very fun. Especially this last time around. I'm pretty sure that I've already posted about some of the struggles from this pregnancy, but for future reference, I wanted to just make a quick sum-up of this last pregnancy:
First, the good:
When I first found out I was pregnant, I was really worried about how it would effect my hip, especially since I had finally found doctors that could help me fix it. I worried that the pain I'd been experiencing would increase, and I was worried about the further damage/wear & tear that could happen as a result of growing a baby. The good thing is that my hip didn't really start acting up until the very end. Near the end of my pregnancy, I had this epiphany: all the back pain that I experienced and the constant fatigue kept me basically resting every chance I got and as a result, it probably saved my hip.
There is something almost magical about feeling your baby moving inside of you. It's really the only thing I like about being pregnant. That and no one judges you for eating too much junk.
Also, because of how lousy I felt through this whole thing, I was more upfront with the people around me, especially my friends and family that I see on a regular basis. Even though I'm sure that they were tired of hearing my complaining, especially Lea, they were also really great about stepping up and helping me. I have been completely overwhelmed by the love and support I have received from my friends and neighbors. So many brought dinners--and those dinners were lifesavers. So many watched my kids so I could go to physical therapy and other appointments. Some took my kids just because. Sometimes, we just need to know that people have our backs, and this pregnancy showed me just how many people have mine.
The one who had my back the most was Brian. There are simply not enough words to describe how amazing he has been. We talk about ourselves as a team, and we try to each do our part to keep the good ship Saville floating. He became the star player on our two-man team, simultaneously keeping our ship afloat while holding onto me to keep me from abandoning ship. He spent countless days putting in a full day at work and then coming home and preparing dinner, doing dishes alone, getting kids ready for bed and then getting them in bed all by himself. His enthusiasm and excitement for this new little guy fueled my depleted self and kept me going. It's been so fun being on the front lines of his fatherhood journey--from the insecurity and terror he felt when I was expecting Michael to the longing he had for getting Rachel here and to the absolute excitement and optimism he felt about this last one. I feel like while my strength for this kid thing has lessened over the years, his has increased. I'm so blessed to have him, and this pregnancy reminded me just how blessed I really am.
The Bad:
My back was horrible for almost the entire pregnancy, and when miraculously, it eased up during the last few months, I was huge and uncomfortable and experiencing the normal third-trimester miserableness. Oh, and my hip started acting up more because I was more active.
I was also tired ALL THE TIME. I rarely had energy, and when I did, I tended to use it up in a hurry, which wiped me out for several days after. This was really hard for me. I hated not being able to help Brian paint our basement, I've missed being able to refinish something. I hated watching everyone working in the kitchen at family get-togethers while I sat on the couch and did nothing. I didn't want to be a useless pregnant woman, but I feel like that's what I was. My poor kids got really good at scrounging for food, and we learned to live in a messy house and be okay with it--well, mostly okay with it. We constantly reminded ourselves that growing a baby was important work, and if that's all I accomplished each day, it was enough.
The Ugly:
Pregnancy is a 9 month trip on a crazy train through crazy town. And for some reason, when I'm carrying a boy, it's even crazier. I had to resist the urge to flip people off when I was expecting Michael, and I think I've sworn more with this last pregnancy than the 30 years leading up to it. And I didn't even feel guilty about all that swearing. I still kind of don't. My fuse was incredibly short, and I hated how angry I could get, how often it happened, and how hard it was to get it to go away. I've always tried to be a happy person, but all this anger led to a little depression, and Brian had to constantly remind me that I could do this (and occasionally send me to my room for long time-outs). I would look at my kids, especially in those sweet moments where they are so adorable and embodying everything that is wonderful about children, and remember that they are worth all the ugly struggles.
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