School

Back in January, I applied to grad school at the University of Utah. By the end of February/beginning of March, I still hadn't heard back from them, and I was starting to feel apprehensive about attending. Grad school meant a huge time commitment, an 80 mile commute round trip, and a not a lot of flexibility. I also got to looking at the some of the core classes that I had to take, namely economics and city law. That didn't sound like fun at all, especially since I almost broke down sobbing during my undergrad econ final.

So, I started looking more into UVU's graphic design program. I met with the head of the program, and it seemed like the perfect fit for me. I've always had a passion for graphic design, and it never occurred to me that a person could major in it until I was almost finished with my undergrad. After swallowing some pride (let's face it, grad school at the U is more prestigious and glamorous than getting a second bachelor's at UVU), I applied at Utah Valley University, and within a few days, I was accepted.

About that time, I got my acceptance letter from the University of Utah. I was so honored, and I started reconsidering and second-guessing my decision. After a long conversation with my mom, who is really good at seeing through my excuses and getting right to the core of matters, I decided that I had already worked hard in my undergrad, and going back to school should be fun, especially if I'm going right now. This is supposed to be an outlet, something therapeutics and not stressful. So, with a heavy, somewhat regretful heart, I turned down grad school at the U, and started preparing for classes at the UVU.

I just finished my first class, Photography 1, and I'm in the middle of a computer applications class that teaches the basics for Illustrator, Photoshop, and InDesign. The photography class met four days a week on the campus in Orem. Lea was so good to watch Michael for me all those mornings. I couldn't have done it without her.

One of the Photos I took for my class

Part of the push to go to school came because we had funding from Utah's IDA program, a program we got into about two years ago that matches our funds 3 to 1 to go towards a down payment on a first home, education, or starting a business. We were originally going to use half of it for a down payment, but we ended up closing before our year mark, so we decided to use it for education instead. The program paid for Brian's last semester of grad school, which was awesome. We have to use our funds by October of this year, which is why I decided to take classes again. 

The IDA program pays for tuition, as well as anything required on the syllabus, and since my photography class required a digital SLR camera, they paid for our new Canon T3i Rebel, as well as a memory card and external hard drive. The camera was a pain to get, since we had to order it through a college bookstore, and no college bookstore carries digital cameras. Thankfully, BYU Bookstore was able to order one for us, but due to issues with Canon, we didn't get our camera until the class was half-over! Thankfully, Lea was there, once again, to save the day, and let me borrow hers until mine came in.

Many people have asked me, "So, how do you like your class?" To answer that, I have to say that I really enjoyed learning about photography. I liked learning a new skill. I loved that my homework for the class involved doing things with Michael. But, I didn't enjoy it as much as I thought I would. I didn't enjoy being back in the undergrad scene. I would get annoyed that people weren't paying attention during lectures, I was annoyed that I had to see a counselor before I could register for classes, I didn't like writing a paper or taking a test. I also had a hard time being graded based on opinion, which is probably the biggest reason that I shied away from art back in college. I guess I really am a math person at heart.  


Mostly though, I had a hard time leaving Michael every morning.I felt really bad one morning when we went over to Lea's to help her make some Roman Shades, and Michael said to me as I was unbuckling him, "Don't go to class." I felt so bad, even though I know he loved spending all that time with Danny. I felt bad about the extra burden that Lea took on as well. 


The biggest lesson I learned this semester had little to do with photography. I learned that I really do want to be a stay-at-home mom. On occasion, I've had a hard time letting go of career ambitions, or feeling like I was losing a part of me by staying home to raise my kids. I've experienced all the guilt from all ends of the spectrum that most moms have faced at some point. And I realized that, even though being with Michael all the time is not always glamorous, and sometimes doesn't seem to require much brain power or intellect, this is EXACTLY where I want to be, and I'm so grateful that Brian has a job that allows me to stay home. I know so many moms who don't have that option, and I know I'm really blessed. I love the idea of being an amazing graphic designer, or receiving accolades on homes I've helped design. I love the idea of holding a masters' degree, or even a BFA in graphic design. But, when it comes down to it, I would rather be here, at the forefront of our Heavenly Father's plan, raising my son, teaching him, laughing with him, and eating pretend chocolates with him, than any of those things.  It finally hit me once again; I'm a mom, and this is where I want to be.

I keep thinking about what a friend and former boss of mine used to say a lot: "Don't get married young. Women change so much in between 20 and 30." (We both married at age 23, and had our first baby right away). I realized that she's right, but I don't think it was necessarily the age that did it to her, or to me. We changed because we became wives and then, shortly thereafter, became mothers--two huge life adjustments, no matter what age they come at. She's felt the need a lot to figure out who she is, and I have as well. But, from taking this class, I don't know, it just finally hit me that I really am doing what I want to be doing. I hope this makes some sense. I never feel like I'm any good at expressing myself through writing. I really do want to be a stay at home mom, full-time housekeeper, and designer extraordinaire for my family. Nothing has brought me greater satisfaction, and I'm finally going to just embrace that and run with it. Yes, I've changed since I was 20,  but I'm finally starting to figure out what I've changed to. And, I'm finally loving it. I'm sure I'll still feel those frustrated days, those guilty days, those "I'm a mind-less fool" days, but, for now, I'm glad to have yet another reminder about what I really want. 


So, long story short, I've really enjoyed learning about photography and the Adobe's creative suite, but I most likely will not be taking classes again anytime soon. Instead, I'm going to paint some more furniture, sew some shades/valances for my windows, eat some pretend chocolate with Michael, and get back into a housekeeping routine!

Afton, Wyoming

As many of you know, in the past, the Chadwick Clan has gotten together for a camping trip during July. Well, Chelsea is due with her fourth baby on the same weekend that we typically go on our camping adventure. So, back around Christmas, I proposed moving our trip to Memorial Day weekend, and since that is always a HORRIBLE weekend for camping, especially in Idaho, I suggested that we rent a cabin instead. Long story short, on May 5, we all headed to the Reunion Ranch in Afton, Wyoming for the annual Chadwick get-together. We had a birthday party for Ethan (and technically Chelsea and Grandpa), 

 talked alot, played pool and air-hockey, and played lots of board games, party games, and card games. We stayed up too late every night, but it was so worth it.

Even though it rained most of the time, we didn't mind because the cabin had plenty of room and was nice and warm and dry. 

 And the best part? Everyone was able to come, except Ethan, of course.  

On Saturday, we went on a hike to one of four known Periodic Springs in the world. It was a beautiful hike, despite the drizzle and eventual hail. 

 Unfortunately, we weren't able to see the Periodic Spring due to high spring run-off. But it was still a great hike. Thanks, Thomas, for finding it! Here we all are next to the spring at the top of the hike:

 Cal and Jess were the only ones smart enough to bring ponchos with them, and they were good enough to share with the little ones. Here's Brian, Michael, Jess, and Sarah.

 Chelsea, Mom, and Me 

 Taryn, Chelsea, Mom, Jess, Me, Emily, and Jackson

 Half-way back down, it started really raining, and hailing. We looked like drowned rats by the time we reached the cars.

 Taryn, David, and Michael

 Brian and Me after finally making it to the car. 

When we got back from the hike, we threw our wet clothes in the dryer (awesome! Can't do that camping!),  ate some yummy, hot food, and relaxed in the cozy cabin. Someone gave Michael and Sarah a bath, and later, we heard giggling and screaming from the master bedroom. And what did we find?

 Grandpa tickling and playing with Michael and Sarah. It was so cute. He'd hide under the blankets and then pop out and they'd laugh. And then, they'd hide under the blanket and then pop out and he'd tickle them. They loved spending time with Grandma and Grandpa.

All too soon, it was time to go. We left Monday morning. All we had to do was wash and put away the dishes, take out the trash, and throw our used bedding and towels in the laundry room. So nice. It looks like we might be doing cabin trips for our get-togethers from now on.

The Fathers in My Life

Back in April, 2008, while Brian and I were still dating, we were watching General Conference together in his apartment. President Monson said something in his closing remarks that I hope to never forget. After admonishing the brethren to treat their wives with respect and dignity, he said, "Sisters, honor your husbands. They need to hear a good word. They need a friendly smile. They need a warm expression of true love." (From the address, "Abundantly Blessed.")  Since I loved Brian, I tried from then on out to give him "a good word" every now and then. This post is a much needed "Good Word" to the five most influential fathers in my life. 

First, to my dad, who never misses an opportunity to brag on me to any stranger or acquaintance who will listen, who wore out his copy of The Best Two Years while Cal and I were serving our missions (as well as the rug in the airport while he waited for my plane to land after my mission), and who walked the 50 yard line of the football field during every one of my 1600 meter races that he was able to attend. I admire you so much. You have conquered and bettered yourself against incredible odds. Thank you for being one of my biggest fans.

Second, to my Grandpa Linville, whose quiet example has taught me the value of hard work and dedication. He is one of the best men I know. He doesn't say much, but when he does, you bet I listen. I'm so grateful that I got to grow up with him being just around the corner from us. 

Third, to my wonderful husband. I could write a novel about the things I admire about him. He is my best friend, and I have loved having a front-row seat to watch him growing past his fear of holding babies to being the most protective, loving father in the world. I loved Brian before, but his fatherhood has taken that love to a whole new level. I love all the inside jokes that we have together as a result of raising Michael. I'm so grateful that he is the father of my child and the children who will hopefully come sometime. 

Fourth, to my father-in-law, who threatened Brian to "not mess this one up" after he met me, who remains the only person I will willingly share a birthday party with, who has loved me like his own daughter, and who has the sweetest smiles and embraces of pretty much everyone I know. I've said it a thousand times, but I really feel like I won the lottery when I married Brian. I'm so grateful for how he raised such a wonderful son. 


Last, but not least, I'm grateful for a Heavenly Father who loves me enough to let me struggle sometimes and always sends help, who gives me joys beyond my own expectations, and to whom I owe absolutely everything. 


Happy Fathers' Day. 

Michael's Song

I'm not really sure how to introduce this, besides that Michael really loves singing, especially now that he has his "pinano" to play on at the same time.  The other day I was working away at the computer, Devri was off somewhere, and Michael sat down and played and sang a little song for me.  I wish I had started sooner since there was much more to the song, but this is parts of what he came up with on the fly.  I was trying not to distract him while I was cracking up and writing it down...

The wheels go round on the green car in the garage.
When the grey car in the garage...
when Nela's (Lea's) coming for me, and Danny's coming for me, and Danny's taking a nap, and I'm take a naaaaaapppp.
In the grey car when Shayne coming.... (he smashed the bottom keys here)
the kitty cat in the grass...kitty cat's come..  .. ...   Chelsea's house? (Definitely a good question)
And not to get in Chelsea's house. No more get in Chelsea's house. And Matthew and Heather and Sarah, they're going to come and ask me.
And Chelsea and Thomas and Mommy are going to come get me, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

Amen!

My Happy Place

I just read something on a relation of a friend's blog that sums up something that has been on my mind for awhile:

"A few years ago I read this line in a book by Nate Berkus:

'The idea of living well has always been important to me. It’s the best investment you can make in your well-being….your home is the place to invest your money and energy.'

"Those two sentences changed it all for me. I can’t afford to decorate my home and go to Europe yet so for now, I choose to spend the pennies I have on the place where I spend 365 days a year while my passport sits still new and unstamped in my desk. Europe isn’t going anywhere." from http://deepthoughtsbycynthia.blogspot.com 

One of my favorite things to do in the world is beautify and improve my home, and I have loved having such a lovely home to work on for the past year. I love creating things; I feel like it is my best talent.  I love that I can take my time about things here. I love that I can put a hole in the wall and hang up a picture (or 2 dozen pictures since I LOVE collage walls) without having to get approval from my landlord. I love going to fabric stores and dreaming of Roman shades, pillows, Duvet covers, table runners, seat covers, and whatever else! I love looking at paint at Lowes and old furniture at DI. (Brian gets a little worried and nervous when he hears the endless projects I'm proposing! Just this morning, I told him about two.) I love being surrounded by things that I love on the walls and the people I love sitting next to me in a stable, secure place.

I love traveling and seeing new places, but after a week, I'm ready to come home and be done traveling for a few months. Like Cynthia said, "I choose to spend the pennies I have on the place where I spend 365 days a year [my passport still has my maiden name and has never been used]...Europe isn't going anywhere."

Some would say that I'm "living in a box", doing the same thing as everyone else--a husband with an 8-5 job, a mortgage, and dancing to the sound of little feet pitter-pattering everywhere. Maybe they'll say that I have no imagination and/or no ambition.  Personally, I feel like my home has been the best place to use my creativity, The ambitious, career or "see the world"  life that society thinks I should have is NOT the life I want. I'm living the life I want. And dreaming of the beautiful Roman Shades I want to hang in my windows!