Camp Chadwick 2019

The first week in June is a TERRIBLE time to try to go camping in Idaho. I knew it when I booked our campground. I knew it in the months and weeks leading up to our trip. I knew it when I was planning meals and activities. I knew it when I almost canceled it. I knew it when I decided to go ahead with it as planned. I knew it when I packed our bags, and we loaded our car. I knew it throughout our week up at the Paris Springs Campground from June 4 through June 8. So why did we have our bi-annual Camp Chadwick during the first week of June you might ask? Well, there are a lot of reasons--ones I knew about when I booked, and a big one I only discovered after our trip. 

The main reason why we decided to go camping during the first full week of June was because that was the only week my sister Chelsea said that her family would be able to go. Everyone else also said they were available that week. We explored other options, but everyone agreed that camping would be best. I knew Chelsea was planning to move back east over the summer, and that the first week in June would be our only chance of getting her up there. However, as our trip approached, Emily cancelled and Chelsea--well Chelsea never asked for it off, and so she had to work. This is why I almost canceled the whole thing. I was so mad that two of my sisters wouldn't be coming after I asking and asking and double checking about dates. It was especially hard without Chelsea because she'd been my fellow ringleader in these things for years, and she was AWOL through the whole process. I didn't want to plan or go at all because she wasn't going to be there. But, we decided to move forward with our plan, even though the first week of June was a terrible time to go camping. 

Taryn and I figured out how to get Chelsea's four kids to come with us, and then, after picking them up on June 4, we headed up to Paris, passing the beautiful Bear Lake along the way. 

 First order of business was to set up tents. Michael was pretty excited to be in a tent with his cousins this year.

And my niece Heather got to stay up later and play games with the grown-ups. I can't believe how much everyone has been growing!!! 

 There was exploring

 ...lots of exploring.

 I found these cute bug catcher things at the dollar store, and they had fun looking for bugs...for about 5 minutes.

 My mom led the ladies in crafting some muslin dolls. She's had the supplies for several years now, and we were finally able to do it!

 We cooked food over the fire.

And we loved this newest addition to our camping supplies. The thing I hate about camping is that it's so hard to wash your hands! This thing made the whole trip so much better for me! 

 There was lots of chilling in the hammock:

 And some sitting around the fire:

 And lots more hanging out in the hammock:

 I loved having four extra kids for the week. I haven't been able to see them very much in the last year or so.

Amber and Rachel kept coming back to the bug catcher toy. So many magical adventures with these two! 

 Did we mention the hammocks?

 No camping trip is complete without s'mores!

 We made tin-foil dinners, which you might be surprised was a first for our family. I don't think there has ever been a Camp Chadwick (or Camp Linville, for that matter) where we had tin-foil dinners like this.

 We saw moose:

 And hung out in the hammock.

 There was lots of lazy relaxing as well.

 I think Brian really liked being able to just sit and read a book all day.

 I brought my new Canon 5D Mark iv, and I had fun taking a few pictures with it.

 Michael and my dad shared books. They have so many similar interests, especially when it comes to books!

 And Amber and Rachel continued living in a magical world of fairies, princesses, flowers, and butterflies.

 And Cal and Cassidy let me take some pictures of them as well.

We did more cooking over the fire. 

 And of course, Grandpa led at least one kid in a whittling activity.

 Gabe loved on all the doggies.

 And when Ethan and Cal & Cassidy arrived, we set up some more tents.

 And it rained. I know you can't tell from this picture, but it rained a lot. Brian and I made dinner under a canopy one night while it poured. And we had to get creative with the leftovers.

 One night, it rained all night and the tent with the older kids started leaking. So, in the middle of the night, thankfully, Cal saved the day and got everyone where it was dry for the rest of the night. We put a big canopy over that tent for the rest of our stay, but I think Heather and or Sarah slept in Cal's tent for the rest of the trip, and my parents spent the next day at the laundromat in Montpelier cleaning and drying the wet bedding.

 Cal loves dogs. It's been really fun having him live with us. He keeps Gracie happy by playing with her every night, so naturally, he had to have some snuggles with her while we were camping.

 He even posed for some prom pictures with her

 The weather was mostly dry during the day, which was nice.

Our theme for this camping trip was "Reunion Regatta," and throughout the week, we had a few boat themed activities. Some of them had to get changed up because of the less-than-ideal weather. We were going to make cardboard boats at the lake and see which team's boat lasted the longest without sinking, but we never went to the lake, so the kids made boats in camp. We used them for a photo prop instead of a competition.

 The kids all made a boat (with some help from moms, dads, Grandpa, and Grandma)

 And then we had our Raingutter Regata.

 David and Brian had a race as well. We'll let you make your guesses as to who won...every time.

 And it wouldn't be Camp Chadwick without the piñata. This year, we had a tank piñata.

Dad always gets the final swing, and then we cremate the remains. 

 Dad made his amazing Dutch Oven dinner and cobbler for us, and it was, as usual, quite epic. It rained again that last night, and when we woke up in the morning, this is what we found:

 My parents were so great about opening up their camp trailer for impromptu dance parties during all the rain. We would have had lots of freezing kids if they hadn't! Amber mentioned to her mom when she got home that she loved hanging out with Grandpa and listening to music in the trailer.

 Our tent stayed mostly dry and mostly warm, so that's good. We had Amber, Rachel, and Gabe in our tent with us in bunk beds and on this new extra cot.

We had a lot of clean-up to do the next day: Wet clothes to pack, damp sleeping bags to roll up, wet and muddy tents to take down. Brian laughed that I had so many garbage bags stuffed into my back pocket, but it was a mess!

 By the time we got everything taken down and packed up, we were all beyond ready to go home. It was really cold, and we knew we'd have to go and set up the tents at home so they didn't mold. Everyone got out of their faster than we otherwise would have. I passed out plastic boats--another activity that we didn't get to because of the weather--to the kids after they were all buckled in and ready to go home. My dad had been fighting a UTI all week, attempting to hide his discomfort with some humor all week. Just before we took off, I found him sitting in the Suburban, just waiting for everyone to head out. I gave him a hug as he sat inside. Our farewell was classic, "Goodbye, I love you. Be careful. Let us know when you get home."

When we got home, after a quick stop in Ogden to drop off Chelsea's kids, we got to work laying out all the sleeping bags

 and setting up our tent and Cal's tent. Thankfully, it wasn't raining at home!

We finally got warm, we finally got all our wet and dirty clothes washed and dried, and we finally got the tents cleaned out and put away a few days later.

So, we survived camping in Idaho during the first week in June. I may have cursed at my absent sisters a few times during the week when the weather was cold and wet, but overall, it was a great trip. Very laid back and slow paced. We laughed so much playing Catch-Phrase at night, and I'll always remember my dad cracking jokes about running a marathon as he made his way over to the outhouse one day. And I'll always be grateful that, despite the inevitable chill that resides in the mountains of Idaho during the first week of June, we had Camp Chadwick so early in the summer because June 8, 2019 would be the last day I would hug my dad in this life, and I'll always be grateful that I got to spend so much time with him in the week leading up to his death, so grateful that the last words he said to my face were, "I love you. Be careful. Let me know when you get home."

May 2019: Part 5: Out of Whack

Sleep. Sweet wonderful sleep. It's one of my favorite things. It's probably one of yours too, right? I have the hardest time getting out of bed each morning. To use my dad's Navy phrase, the rack monster gets me every time. That's normal, right? We all like sleep, except for children who haven't figured out how wonderful it is. As I've gotten older, my need for sleep has seemed to increase. If I don't get sleep, I really, really struggle. If it goes on for days, I get easily irritated. Like everyone else, right? I think I have this problem even more than others. 

I first noticed this issue when I picked up my sister, Chelsea, to take her up to Idaho for my brother Cal's high school graduation. I was at BYU, so I drove up to Roy to my Uncle's house. My Aunt had picked Chelsea and her daughter Heather up from the airport after their flight from Germany, where they were living at the time. Since Chelsea was living in Germany, it had been a while since we'd talked, and so we, like children, stayed up way too late giggling and talking at my Aunt's house in Roy before we headed up to Idaho the next day. Once we got to Idaho, I remember my Mom asking me a fairly straight-forward and simple question, one that shouldn't have been a big deal to answer but was so hard for my tired brain to process. I got a little snappy with her--and I hadn't ever been one to be snappy, especially at my mom. This was the first connection between sleep deprivation and grumpiness on my part. 

This connection became even more apparent during that period of time where I had a 5 a.m. custodial job in college. Trying to get enough sleep was a huge struggle for me, and my lack of sleep carried negative consequences in all aspects of my life, so much, in fact, that it was a factor in my break-up with the guy I was dating at the time. In a conversation with me that led to our  break-up, he brought up how he was concerned by how much sleep I needed. I struggled for months and years after that break-up. This was a problem that I didn't know how to fix--there would simply be times where it would be really hard to get enough sleep like having a babies and raising children. I worried that I wouldn't be able to find someone who could love me in spite of my sleep struggle.  Thankfully, I did. (It helps me feel better that Brian acts like this if he goes too long without eating. Low blood sugar issues.) 

I've beaten myself up over how much I sleep, especially during the times I was pregnant. I've felt so incredibly guilty about being too tired to get up to help send my kids off to school. Thankfully, Brian's job has been flexible enough that he has been able to do it, but I've been plagued with thoughts like, "What kind of lazy mom are you that you can't get out of bed for your kids?"

Oh yeah, and did I mention that I also struggle with insomnia?

When I got pneumonia in January (2019), this made me even more tired, and it took what seemed like no matter how much sleep I got, it was never enough. On tired days, my mind would start spiraling into a scary place, a place where I didn't look so great and where I started to think that this world really would be better without a grumpy, angry, lazy person like me. Things always looked better when I had enough sleep, but I hated how many days ended up with me spiraling into this dark place with these dark thoughts. 

I felt less-than so much of the time, especially those nights where Brian had something at night, or in the morning, and I was with the kids all the time without another adult to help share the load. I had at least one of those nights a month due to Brian's release nights at work. I'd have to get up early enough to get kids to school, and I'd have the responsibility to do everything for them all day, including getting them to bed. 

This is where my brain starts to hear all the sarcastic "Boo-hoo" comments from actual single moms, moms with deployed husbands, or moms whose husbands are constantly gone on business trips. I'm sitting here, imagining the eye rolls, the complete lack of sympathy even now, and I heard them when I was in the thick of my tired depression. It was yet another knife to stab myself with, another reason why I just wasn't good enough for this world. So if you are thinking those thoughts right now, I don't think you understand just how big of a problem this sleep thing has been for me. Imagine constantly feeling like you have let yourself and everyone around you down constantly, and no matter what you do, you can't keep yourself from having days where you feel like this. It's not pretty, and I hope you never experience it. 

So why am I telling you all this now? I need to paint a picture so you can understand the miracle that happened. 

The week following our first Idaho trip in May, the one where we moved my parents back into their house, I was crazy tired and worn out. As I mentioned previously, we had a lot of late nights and early mornings. I regret nothing about how hard I pushed myself that week, but we started our week back home completely worn down. There was school, appointments, dance classes, piano lessons, and lots of things to catch up on. To top it all off, Brian had release night at work that Thursday. I got the kids to their schools, I picked up Rachel from Kindergarten. Then I picked up Michael from his school. Then I muddled through the rest of the afternoon. I fed the kids. I got them ready for bed. And as I was putting Michael in bed, our similar personalities had another clash, one of epic proportions. One that sent me into the worst downward spiral I've ever had. Brian came home from work to find me shut down in my chair, staring out the window, completely shut off from the world and wishing that I could just be dead. Afterall, everyone would be better off, right?

He forced me up and made me go for a walk with him. He didn't like the things he heard me say. The next morning, I knew something had to change, and I set up an appointment to go and see a doctor. Something a friend of mine had said about her thyroid made me think that I might have an issue with my thyroid, and I found out that the first step was to test my thyroid levels. A week later, I met with a doctor. They asked me questions, and they sent in an order to have my blood tested for a variety of things. 

As we were heading up to Idaho for our second trip, the doctor's office had my lab results posted. My thyroid was fine, but my B-12 levels were way, way too low, and my Vitamin D levels were also dangerously low. I was driving, so Brian looked up information on what deficiencies of those two vitamins led to, and my world started to make sense and I felt so much hope. B-12 gives you energy, and if you're low on it, you just want to sleep--all the time. If you're low of Vitamin D, you get really depressed. The doctor prescribed some intense vitamins, and we picked them up in Idaho Falls on our way to my parents' house. 

These two vitamins, as silly as it sounds, have saved my life. I still get tired, but I feel more like a normal, tired person instead of a psycho tired person. It's been a game-changer for me and for our family. The timing of this discovery was a huge blessing. I needed to have this figured out for what was coming.